Look hard for a husband early on? THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.

I just came across an article on Thought Catalog that got on my nerves; felt my skin prickling in anger and would’ve thrown a brick at the author if possible. The article title read, “Get married first, then focus on your career” and ended with

but you can control where you spend your time and energy, and you should look hard for a husband early on. Line up the marriage first, then the career.

Little surprise that most men believe every woman is out to lasso them into marriage. Get married, have babies. What? Am I missing something? Is this branded into our skin like a neon sign?

The world needed another pop-psychologist-wanna-be-know-it-all blogger to tell single women how to live our lives. Because if we’re single and have a goal that doesn’t involve a man yet, we’re in danger (YES, danger) of ruining future generations to come. The article was loaded with statistics too, because if there aren’t numbers to back the article, it all becomes a load of rubbish, right? I’m calling B.S on this article. And this was written by a woman. I wouldn’t be ranting if a man wrote this, because I’d be thinking “oh, poor thing…he truly believes this…”. But to see that it’s written by a woman. Enraged.

According to this author, women should focus on finding a man at 24 years old, wait 2 years before getting married and have kids 2-3 years later. Because statistically this is a recipe for a healthy marriage. (makes me wonder if she was high on crack when she wrote this) Wow. Divorce attorneys, you’ve been warned. What kind of ammo did she use? Infertility, down-syndrome baby and miscarriage.

All these may be valid, but how about addressing the fact that you may have a marriage, children and a career (or not), and not feel an ounce of happiness? What about not settling for a man if he’s not good enough instead of rushing into a marriage because society said so. And if any girl comes up to me and says “Sometimes we have to compromise and settle with someone”, slap yourself, sister. You better have expectations. Not materialistic expectations, but something deeper than that. Why? You’re planning to live the rest of your life with ONE person – because that’s what a marriage is. And if you haven’t found the right guy, KEEP LOOKING. But you know how you find someone great? When you focus on yourself.

I’m not saying find the perfect guy, because that’s dumb. I’m saying, find someone who makes you happy, and someone who loves you right back. Because if you settle for someone who doesn’t make you happy, that’s your future forecast right there. Cloudy with grey skies. Because a man isn’t going to change for you. Let’s just nail that down, ok? So, either you change – which means losing bits and pieces of your unique self; which eventually you’ll hate him for. The outcome normally leads to an unhappy marriage and a costly divorce. And another article will quote some new statistics with the headline “Divorce rates on steady rise”. No sh*t, Sherlock.  Or, worse than a divorce, you’ll settle for an unhappy life, with the man you settled for. Sometimes, being with a person doesn’t guarantee happiness. It’s like driving a car without wheels.

Instead of focusing hard on finding a husband, how about focusing hard on our happiness, setting goals (whether it’s career-centric or living a rich life of experiences) and attaining them. Chances are, men will naturally gravitate toward us, because we’re desirable when we’re happy. Change what doesn’t make you happy – because that’s the only good option. The bad option is to accept defeat and live unhappily; I rather focus all my energy on changing everything bad in my life to something positive. This means, even if I don’t find a man, get married and have children at a stipulated timeline, I’ll be happier than I was. When you’re happy with everything you have, you have everything you need.    

Note: I saw the article on my facebook newsfeed, by an acquaintance who recently got engaged to a man who has been known to physically abuse her! The feed was accompanied by this paraphrased message: Friends above 25, who have dismissed marriage and finding a partner for now, please read. And to the other workaholics on my list. Points for you to note about your body and future.

Has he knocked out every bit of common sense?! I MEAN REALLY. Points to note about your body and future? How about no black eye and freedom, instead?

Argh. Rant over.


2 thoughts on “Look hard for a husband early on? THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.

  1. Well said! If marriage does come your way (or even if it doesn’t), don’t forget to follow this up with a blog post on why you must have children in order to have a fulfilling life 🙂

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