I turned 29 years old yesterday. And I’m excited about the impending 30, and perhaps a little apprehensive as well. Sure, I have 364 days left (that doesn’t seem like a lot now) but it’s 364 days closer to the BIG 30. Also, I find myself being introspective these days – something that never popped up in my early twenties. Maybe because I didn’t think I’d live to see 30? Naaah. Because at twenty, life’s all about having fun, setting goals, not accomplishing them, resetting goals and it goes on. But when 27 slowly creeps up, we normally start straightening up. And at 29? We really become grown ups. It’s a proud accomplishment for some. But are we any good as grown ups? Am I any good as a grown up.
As I was thanking all my friends who wished me on my birthday, I asked myself if I’d been a good person and friend to them. If I’d been kind. If I’d been a good daughter to my parents. I don’t want to leave the world behind someday, without making at least a small (but good) change or impression in/on someone’s life. I don’t want my biggest regret in life to be failures of kindness. I ask myself this frequently (which is a little weird, I know): Have I been kind enough. It’s always the word enough. Could I have done something better? I hope I have.
So I left my friends this message
Thank you for the innumerable birthday wishes, midnight texts, hugs and kisses Above all, as I grow older, I hope I’ve made a tiny (but, hopefully good) difference in your lives; sharing a tub of calories, dancing/jumping (looking spastic) to awesome music, or having bimbo moments together (because smart girls have downtime, too!). I hope I haven’t let you down as a friend, and that I’ve been there when you needed one. kthnxbye! 🙂
We have just one life, and I don’t want to spend all my time frivolously, without making a difference. We all need a purpose in life to keep moving. Even if my life’s purpose is to be the best mother to my children in the future (because I still need to find a kind and loving man whom I can love and cherish), although I seriously doubt that’s my purpose. I’m just using that as the worst case scenario. Kids frighten me. 😉
I’ll end by sharing this beautiful speech by Professor George Saunders. I had seen this clip two weeks ago, and as I was typing this I remembered this man’s brilliant speech. It complements my thoughts of the day.